


Driving Backwards on the Hairpin Bend

by TheFlirtMeister



Category: Formula 1 RPF, I Was Born for This - Alice Oseman, Radio Silence - Alice Oseman, Solitaire - Alice Oseman
Genre: F/F, F/M, Formula 1 AU, Formula One, Gay Club, Gen, M/M, Meet and Greets, Minor Injuries, Multi, Trans Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-13 01:58:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16007900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlirtMeister/pseuds/TheFlirtMeister
Summary: Jimmy doesn’t know if he’ll even have a chance to breathe this race weekend, he has so much stuff going on. There’s interviews, and press conferences, and something to do with fans that Rowan keeps complaining about.Jimmy can’t even remember Silverstone last year. It’s all a whirl of races, interviews, frustrated crying in hotel rooms, feeling like he wasn’t good enough. He can barely remember being on the podium, but he can remember the loneliness. The awful sinking loneliness.(Formula 1 AU)





	Driving Backwards on the Hairpin Bend

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! This is a very random and strange au which involves such things as fast cars! terrible interviews! gay clubs! random cameos! I really hope that people enjoy it, and I hope people will like it even if they don't know anything about Formula 1. If you have any questions, you can always ask them in the comments and I'll try to help :)
> 
> Special thanks to puddle-of-ink for drawing such an amazing piece of artwork (which is linked during the scene in question) and for being so lovely on email! Also thank you to Kelsey for annoying me on tumblr until I wrote.

_< A random selection of tweets from the 25th of November, 2017>_

_I AM SCREAMING LOOK AT MY BOY GO!!!_

**_@suckmykers_ **

_It’s clear to see that Kaga-Ricci is an exceptional driver. He handles and understands the car well, and the team should be proud of him. A deserved championship_

**_@kivisto.e_ **

_Ffs i wanted nico to win im so fucking mad fuck everything_

**_@dimplesanddraught_ **

_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! IM NUTTING!!!!!_

**_@jimmysjalapeno_ **

_I guess this proves girls can drive lol_

**_@hazzaazzer_ **

_(reply to **@hazzaazzer’s** tweet)_    _go fuck yourself_

**_@jimmysangels_ **

 

 

**Wednesday.**

**Morning.**

Jimmy is sucker punched by the heat when he steps off the plane, every part of his body on fire. Five hours ago, he was waiting in a private lounge in Vienna, staring out at the rain that was lashing against the tinted windows. Now, he is looking out at blazing sunshine on the top steps of a plane and burning despite the shorts and t-shirt combo he’s wearing.

He can’t believe it’s so  _hot_  in the UK. According to his smart watch, it’s 28 degrees right now, and threatening to go all the way up to 30. Jimmy hopes that his granddad will be okay in the heat, will take the right precautions and stay hydrated. He’s already sent several texts to the next-door neighbours, asking them politely if they can stop in and check on him.

Jimmy wishes he could be there to look after him.

Someone bumps into the back of him, not realising that Jimmy has frozen on the top steps and makes a little ‘oof!’ of surprise. It’s Rowan, owner of said private plane, and Jimmy turns slightly to look over his shoulder at him.

This is their first year of being team mates, even though they’ve known each other since they were 7 years old. They met at Karting, bonding because they both felt like the outcasts of the group, and they’ve supported each other ever since. Jimmy can’t believe it’s taken it this long for them to be team mates, but he really hopes that he doesn’t fuck it up. He doesn’t want to be the Lewis Hamilton to Rowan’s Nico Rosberg. Or maybe the other way around.

“I’m boiling.” Rowan complains, “I hate England’s bullshit weather.”

“Don’t let the British fans hear you say that.” Jimmy tells him, with a grin. “They’ll run you over with your own car.”

“Ugh.” Rowan says, putting his hands over his eyes to block out the sun. “Why can’t we be racing somewhere cooler?”

“Complain to the FIA.” Jimmy suggests.

“You know, I will.” Rowan says. “Dear Charlie Whiting. It is very hot in England, and I know I’m Nigerian, but honestly-”

“Honestly.” Jimmy breaks in, with a bad Sebastian Vettel impression.

Rowan snorts but continues. “Honestly, this is ridiculous. Lots of love, hugs and kisses, Rowan Omondi from The ARK Racing. What do you think?”

Jimmy laughs, opening his mouth to reply when Lister comes bounding out, hitting both Rowan and Jimmy. Jimmy goes forward, almost falling down the steps, and grabs hold of the railing just in time to catch himself. His sunglasses that were sitting on the top of his head go flying, and Jimmy watches them bounce down the steps before landing on the asphalt at the bottom.

“Jesus!” Rowan says, sounding irritable. They’d stayed awake on the flight so that they wouldn’t be wide awake in the evening, but it had just made Rowan grumpy.  “You could have killed us both!”

“Why have we stopped?” Lister asks, completely ignoring the question.

Lister, Olympic’s number 1 driver, should not be on their plane. ARK have strict rules about who their drivers associate with, and Lister, drunken idiot that he is, is definitely on the no-go list. Especially as Lister is currently beating the ARK drivers in the championship standings. However, Jimmy and Rowan have been friends with Lister ever since they were making their debut in Formula 3, and it seems rude to break a friendship now.

Also, Lister was too drunk to get on the Olympic team flight, so Jimmy offered to take Lister instead. You win some, you lose some.

“I was admiring the view.” Jimmy tells Lister, and Lister strikes a pose.

“But I’m the view!” He says, and Jimmy shakes his head.

“You broke my sunglasses.” He says, pointing to the pair at the bottom of the stairs. “They were Ralf Lauren.”

“I’ll buy you a new pair.” Lister says breezily. “I’ve got the money.”

“That’s not the point.” Jimmy starts, but Lister has pushed past both Rowan and Jimmy and is tripping excitedly down the steps.

“Come on!” He says, “England waits for us!”

“God he’s fucking mental.” Rowan mutters, and then shouts. “Slow down you twat!”

Lister flips Rowan off without looking around, and races happily towards the airport buggy that is waiting to take them to passport control. Their transport co-ordinator Becky is leaning against the car, her bright purple hair making her stand out against the crowd. She’s worrying at her bottom lip but looks up and smiles when Lister comes bounding towards her. She glances towards the plane, raising an arm in greeting at Jimmy and Rowan who are still standing there.

“Come along jimjam.” Rowan says, nudging Jimmy’s arm gently. “Let’s get somewhere cooler.”

Jimmy looks out across Heathrow Terminal 5, thinking of the other drivers who arriving today, and the fans who will be waiting for them.

“Okay.” He says and makes his way down the steps. 

**Afternoon.**

In a different car also organized by Becky, Jimmy leans his head against the window and watches the scenery zip by. They’re on the way to the hotel, Rowan and Lister squished into the seats next to him. The air con is going full blast, but Jimmy is starting to gently perspire underneath his shirt collar.

“I can’t believe the paparazzi were at the airport.” Rowan says. He’s flicking through his Instagram explore page, liking random posts.

“They love sweaty tired photographs of us.” Lister says with a yawn. The drinking has finally caught up to him, and he’s half falling asleep on Rowan’s shoulder. “It turns them on.”

“Gross.” Rowan says. “I don’t want to think about fans getting turned on by me.”

From the corner of his eye, Jimmy can see Lister making a rude hand movement. Rowan gives Lister a thump on the arm, and Lister gives an annoyed cry.

“That hurt!” Lister says, “I think you’ve bruised me, Christ Rowan.”

“Good.” Rowan says, “You deserve it.”

“I won’t be able to drive.” Lister whines, “They’ll have to amputate my arm.”

“What, from a punch?” Jimmy finally looks away from the window and in the direction of the other boys. “Bit pathetic List?”

“I am a gentle delicate soul.” Lister says, and both Jimmy and Rowan laugh. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me.”

“But you’re so easy to laugh at.” Jimmy says, pulling a face at Lister.

Lister pulls one back, even more grotesque. Rowan rolls his eyes at them both, and then leans forward to ask the driver something.

“How long till we get to the hotel mate?”

“Uh, ‘bout an hour and a half.” The driver replies, looking at Rowan in his rear-view mirror. “That alright?”

“Perfect.” Rowan leans back in his seat. “I can’t wait to sleep.”

“I can’t wait to have some proper British beer.” Lister says, and then puts on a bad Cockney accent. “Nice pint of lager, right lads?”

The taxi driver laughs. “Nice accent mate.”

“Thanks, I’ve been practising.” Lister flashes the driver a grin.

Jimmy smiles, running his finger along the seam of his shorts. He doesn’t know if he’ll even have a chance to breathe this weekend, he has so much stuff going on. There’s interviews, and press conferences, and something to do with fans that Rowan keeps complaining about.

Jimmy can’t even remember Silverstone last year. It’s all a whirl of races, interviews, frustrated crying in hotel rooms, feeling like he wasn’t good enough. He can barely remember being on the podium, but he can remember the loneliness. The awful sinking loneliness. 

Rowan’s phone buzzes loudly, breaking Jimmy out of his thoughts. He looks over to watch Rowan open the message, read it, and then start typing a reply, fingers flying across the keyboard.

“Who is it?” Jimmy asks.

“Bliss.” Rowan replies.

“Oh!” Jimmy sits upright. “Where is she?”

“Hotel.” Rowan says, and nothing else.

Jimmy waits for a second, and then nudges Rowan. “Everything okay?”

“Hm?” Rowan shuts off his phone and then looks at Jimmy with a tired smile. “Yeah. Just, you know. Busy day.”

“I understand.” Jimmy says, and then nods towards the phone. “Bliss alright?”

“Yeah, she’s good.” Rowan tucks his phone away into his shorts pocket. “She arrived yesterday.”

“Who we are talking about?” Lister asks, sounding sleepy.

“Bliss.” Jimmy says, and Lister nods knowingly.

“Ah.” He says, and nothing more.

Bliss is Rowan’s PA, which means she organises everything, from interviews to flights. She also happens to be Rowan’s girlfriend. Rowan and Bliss do not want anyone to know they’re dating. Jimmy doesn’t entirely know why they’re keeping it a secret, he doubts Rowan’s fans are really that invested in who he’s dating or not. But it’s a big deal for Rowan, and a big deal for Bliss, so Jimmy doesn’t get involved.

Jimmy’s PA, Tara, is also at the hotel. She’s already sent Jimmy over an itinerary, with each event he must attend recorded down to the minute detail. He’s honestly surprised she hasn’t written down how long each bathroom break must be.

He does like having a PA though. It takes the pressure off him, he doesn’t have to juggle calendars, or remember who each person is who interviews him. Once, Lister made him watch Devil Wears Prada, and Jimmy had made connections to his own life. If only Miranda Priestly drove a Ferrari and not a fashion company.

“Hey, Jimmy.”

Rowan’s voice breaks Jimmy out of his thoughts, and he turns to look at him. There is a single bead of sweat on Rowan’s forehead, and Jimmy wants to flick it away.

“Looking forward to your home race, Mr World Champion?” Rowan asks, teasing.

“You bet.” Jimmy says, and imagines the taste of champagne on his tongue.

_< A post made by jimmykagaricciupdates.tumblr.com at 2:21 pm>_

_The title reads JIMMY KAGA-RICCI ARRIVES AT HEATHROW._

_The pictures show 7 photographs taken by both paparazzi and fans of racing car driver, and current world champion, Jimmy Kaga-Ricci arriving at Heathrow airport. He is joined by fellow ARK driver Rowan Omondi, and Olympics driver Lister Bird. Lister’s teammate, Michael, took an earlier flight._

_The three drivers are smiling in the photographs and seem happy._

**Thursday.**

**Free Practise 1.**

Jimmy climbs out of the car, pulling off his gloves roughly and throwing them down onto the seat. He’s angry behind his helmet, but he can’t show to the press gathered in the garage that there are tears pricking at his eyes.

He pushes past his team of mechanics, and marches straight into the cool down room. His brain isn’t thinking straight, white hot anger, and he lashes out, kicking the wall. It hurts, so he does it again, and then again, kicking and kicking and kicking-

“Jimmy!”

Someone grabs him from behind, swinging him away from the wall. Jimmy spins around, and glares at Rowan from underneath his helmet.

“I’m a failure.” He spits.

“It’s only free practise-“

“I’m shit! I fucked up the last race! Lister’s car is incredible, what the hell happened between last year and now?” Jimmy gestures with his hand. “He could barely get the car to do the safety lap five months ago, and now he’s lapping us both?!”

Rowan blinks slow. “Did you mention anything to him about your car?”

“No!” Jimmy says. “I didn’t share any confidential information.”

“You two are close-“

“That doesn’t mean I’m a snitch.” Jimmy says. He reaches up and pulls off his helmet, sweat drenched hair flopping over his face. “God Rowan.”

“I’m just saying what the press will say.” Rowan says, and then reaches out. “I’m sorry?”

Jimmy sighs, the anger escaping from him like air from a balloon. “I’m sorry too.”

They hug, Rowan’s arms around Jimmy’s waist and Jimmy’s arms around Rowan’s neck. He huffs out a sigh against Rowan’s skin and goose bumps appear.

“Tickles.” Rowan says, and then pulls away. “How’s your foot?”

Jimmy flexes it. “Fine.”

“You were kicking pretty hard.”

“I know.” Jimmy says. “Sorry, I just got angry-“

“It’s okay.” Rowan ruffles Jimmy’s hair. “I understand.”

“What if last year was just a fluke?” Jimmy asks, daring to speak the words out loud. “What if last year, I wasn’t actually good, and everyone else was just terrible?”

“That’s not true.” Rowan says.

“But what if it is?” Jimmy says. “Rowan, what if I’m not meant to be here?”

“Hey.” Rowan says firmly, “Last year, was I terrible?”

“No.” Jimmy says.

“Was my car breaking down, was I crashing out constantly, was I not trying my best?”

“No.”

“Exactly.” Rowan says, looking Jimmy squarely in the eye. “And you still beat me. Even when I was trying as hard as I could, even when I was pushing the car and myself to the limits, you still beat me. You’re a good driver Jimmy. Don’t put yourself down like that.”

Jimmy gives Rowan a little smile. “I guess you’re right. Thank you.”

They’re interrupted by Cecily coming into the room, tapping something on her phone. She makes a noise at the back of her throat that could either be disappointment or disbelief.

“Hey.” Jimmy says. “Sorry.”

Cecily points at Rowan. “Good.” She says, and then points at Jimmy. “Meh. What happened out there?”

“I don’t know.” Jimmy says, “My car just isn’t quick enough.”

“That’s not a good enough excuse.” Cecily says. “If a Force India can get on the podium then I think the World Champion can do better than whatever you just gave me.”

“I know.” Jimmy says, looking at the ground. “I’ll do better in the actual qualifying. And the race.”

“You better.” Cecily says, and then she sighs. “Stop looking so depressed Kaga-Ricci. Go back to the hotel with Rowan and, I don’t know, watch a movie or something. We’ll talk later, when you’re not in such a funk.”

Jimmy brightens. “Thanks Cecily.”

“Don’t mention it.” Cecily says, with a shrug. “And also, don’t mention it to any other drivers because then they’ll start whining to their own team captains.”

“Noted.” Rowan says, and then tugs at Jimmy’s arm. “Come on. Let’s get out of suits and wear something comfy.”

“But appropriate.” Cecily breaks in. “Mr Skirt.”

“I’m sexy as hell Ma’am.” Rowan says, but nods. “I promise.”

“Good.” Cecily says, already looking back at her phone. “Now get out of my sight.”

The two of them leave without a second glance back, into the throng of mechanics, press, and flashing cameras.

“God, I wish we could drive in peace.” Rowan mutters.

“Mm.” Jimmy says, and waves to the fans.

**Thursday Afternoon.**

Back at the hotel room, Jimmy pours himself a glass of cold ice water and then holds it to his forehead. It helps soothe his fragile nerves, and also just feels refreshing. He leans back against the counter and surveys the room.

Rowan is sitting on the sofa, typing furiously on his phone. Jimmy can already tell that he’s talking to Bliss without having to ask, Rowan’s facial expressions say it all. Bliss and Rowan are in the middle of a domestic argument, which is troubling when Bliss is Rowan’s PA, and needs to talk to him all the time. 

Speaking of PA’s, Tara and Darcy are also sitting on the sofa. Darcy is sitting on Tara’s lap, feet dangling, and Tara has one hand on Darcy’s back, supporting her. Darcy is Lister’s PA, so Jimmy has no idea why Darcy is hanging out in their room, without her driver in question.

“Toss me a bottle?” Tara asks, not looking up from her notebook. She’s scribbling down notes for future press conferences, chewing on the end of her pen.

Jimmy takes a bottle of water from the mini bar and throws it in Tara’s general direction. Darcy catches it, and balances it on her head.

“I’m going to drop out of F1 and join the circus.” She says. Tara glances up and smiles at her.

“My little performing monkey.” She says, kissing Darcy on the cheek and taking the bottle of water off her.

“You can’t leave F1.” Jimmy says, “Lister will be upset.”

Darcy rolls her eyes at the mention of Lister. “He makes my life a living nightmare.” She says cheerfully. “Honestly, did you know how long it took me to organise his flight from Vienna to the UK? Then he fucks it all up by getting drunk.”

“It’s not his fault.” Jimmy says, and Rowan laughs.

“Nobody forced alcohol down his throat Jimmy. He wasn’t pinned down in the bar and made to do Jager bombs.”

Jimmy prickles slightly. “I know but-“

“Let me worry about Lister.” Darcy interrupts, and pats the empty spot on the sofa. “You sit here and think about free practise 2 tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to think about free practise.” Jimmy says, but joins them on the sofa all the same. He leans his head against Rowan’s shoulder and Rowan smiles.

“I bet you’re going to be brilliant this weekend.” Rowan says. “I can feel it.”

“Meh.” Jimmy says. “I don’t.”

“Don’t be such a negative Nancy.” Tara says. “If you’re positive and confident, then-“

“Then I’ll be confident in the race and have a positive result, I know.” Jimmy rubs his temples. “It’s just hard, when you’re not the one in the car.”

“I’m sorry.” Tara says, reaching around to pat Jimmy on the leg. “I’m trying to make everything easier, okay?”

“Okay.” Jimmy says, and then nudges Rowan. “Come on. I was promised a film.”

“On it chief.” Rowan says, saluting Jimmy. “What do you want to watch?”

“Something fun.” Jimmy says, “Nothing deep or dramatic.”

Rowan fake pouts. “But I love deep and dramatic films.”

“And I don’t.” Jimmy prods Rowan. “Just find something with a happy ending, for god’s sake.”

“By the way,” Tara suddenly says, “You have an interview later on.”

“What?” Jimmy whines. “But I was promised I could relax today!”

“No relaxing for you my little cupcake.” Darcy says, flicking Jimmy’s curls. “Look at this, it’s like frosting. Makes me want to eat you up.”

“Why am I dating you?” Tara asks wearily, and Darcy grins.

“I’m incredible!” She announces.

“You sure are something.” Jimmy agrees, and gets a smack from Darcy for his efforts.

**Interview.**

The interviewer is looking at Jimmy with the tell-tale hungry expression of envy. She’s got curly brown hair tied up in a messy bun, and she’s wearing a necklace with a tiny pizza emoji on it.

They’re sitting in The ARK hospitality area, closed off from the rest of the world. Jimmy wishes they were doing a walking and talking interview, because then he could fidget, or pretend that a mechanic is calling him over. He feels exposed like this, as they sit opposite one another in dark black chairs.

“It’s nice to meet you Jimmy.” She says, holding out her hand. Her nails are painted dark green with little gold flecks. “I’m Evelyn.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Jimmy replies, shaking her hand. “Do you live in Austria?”

Evelyn laughs. “No,” She says, “I’m from England. Kent actually.”

“I’m from Kent.” Jimmy says without thinking.

Evelyn looks at him with a sly smile on her face. “I know. I have done my research.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean-“ Jimmy starts, but Evelyn holds up her hand.

“It’s okay Jimmy. I understand.”

There’s a beat of silence. Jimmy squirms. Evelyn watches.

“So, you seem to be struggling with the car this season.” Evelyn says finally. “Any take on that?”

Jimmy clears his throat, looking towards the clock on the side table. “Not really much to say. Sometimes the car isn’t how you expected.”

“So, you were expecting a better car? The mechanics are not up to scratch?”

“No!” Jimmy says quickly. “No, I just meant that things change over Winter. Obviously, Lister has the better car at the moment, and we’re trying to catch him up.”

“Do you think you can do it?”

“We can try our best.” Jimmy promises.

“Hmm.” Evelyn says. “What about your team mate, Rowan, however? He seems to be doing well in races, even with a car that is not up to speed, according to you. Perhaps the fault lies with your driving, not the car?”

“I don’t think so.” Jimmy says, “Last year we were achieving perfect two-ones. Now it’s a struggle to get one car in the top three.”

“You thought you were perfect last year?”

“I won the championship.” Jimmy says, and then cringes at his own words. “I mean-“

“I know what you meant Jimmy.” Evelyn says. “Do you have any comments about Lister Bird?”

“Uh.” Jimmy says. “He’s my friend. I like him. I think we drive well together.”

“Even now you’re rivals?” Evelyn asks.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“He’s a threat to your championship.” Evelyn casts an eye over Jimmy. “I would call that a rivalry.”

“I’d say we were more Lauda and Hunt than Rosberg and Hamilton.” Jimmy says. “We’re friends.”

“Lauda and Hunt.” Evelyn taps her nail against the side of her face. “The championship in which one driver suffered life changing burns, and the other dropped out of F1 nearly a year later?”

Jimmy cringes. “I just meant that they were friends afterwards. Lister and I, we’re good friends.”

“Indeed.” Evelyn says. “But going back to your previous comment. Do you consider yourself Lauda or Hunt?”

“Well they’re both great men-“

“But which one?” Evelyn presses.

“Uh.” Jimmy says. “Lauda, maybe? I’m more critical. I over think things. Lister is an amazing driver, and funny, and he doesn’t take himself too seriously. I like that about him.”

“Interesting.” Evelyn says. “I wonder what Niki Lauda would say if he heard your comments?”

“Hopefully he’d be okay with them.” Jimmy says, sinking down into his seat.

“I’d hope so too.” Evelyn says. “He’s a very odd man, isn’t he?”

She looks at Jimmy, quirking an eyebrow. “Although I suppose you’re odd too, aren’t you?”

“I guess.” Jimmy says.

“With any luck we can delve into you a little deeper during this interview.” Evelyn says, looking at her notes.

“You mean this wasn’t the start of it?” Jimmy asks, frowning.

Evelyn laughs, and the sound pierces the air. “Oh no Jimmy,” She says sweetly, “We’re just getting started.”

_< Photographs from The Daily Mail website titled NUMBER ONE DRINKER? The photographs clearly show Lister Bird incredibly intoxicated in a hotel bar. He looks extremely worse for wear, and at several points is balancing his trophy on his head. The article featured on the website is scathing and makes references to Bird’s friendship with Jimmy Kaga-Ricci several times in a negative light.>_

**Friday.**

**Morning.**

Jimmy wakes up when Tara forcefully unlocks his hotel room door and barges in. He groans, pulling the duvet up over his head, and listens to her loudly sing as she stomps around the room. The final straw is when she opens the curtains, causing light to come streaming into the room.

“I have a knife.” Jimmy says sleepily from under the covers.

“And I have a fan meet and greet with your name on.” Tara replies, walking over to the bed. “Come on. Up and dressed, and then we can get going.”

Jimmy pushes the covers off his head and looks up at Tara. She’s dressed up in team gear, with her hair perfectly styled, and a pencil tucked behind her ear. She raises an eyebrow at him, and Jimmy moans.

“I don’t want to get up.”

“Tough tits.” Tara says, and sits down on the edge of the bed. “You have another free practise round because you fucked up yesterday’s so spectacularly-“

“Cheers for reminding me.” Jimmy grumbles.

“And you have to meet the winner of the fan competition.” Tara finishes.

“What fan competition?” Jimmy asks.

“We have spoken about this.” Tara says, “I definitely mentioned it to you.”

Jimmy shakes his head. “Tara, you tell me so many things, I can’t keep track.”

Tara sighs. “There was a competition where fans had to write in and say why they wanted to meet you, and what it would mean to them.”

Jimmy pulls a face. “I’m just me though.”

“Not to the fans.” Tara says, “Not to this girl, anyway.”

Jimmy’s ears prick up at the mention of female pronouns. “A girl?” He asks, sitting upright. “Really?”

“Don’t sound so surprised Kaga-Ricci.” Tara drawls, “Women can be fans of Formula 1 too.”

Jimmy’s cheeks go pink. “I was just surprised, that’s all.”

Tara pulls out her phone, unlocking it and then scrolling through a folder. “Her name is Fereshteh Rahimi and she’s brought her friends Juliet and Mac with her.”

“Feresh- Fereshti?” Jimmy tries to pronounce and Tara sighs.

“I’ll coach you on how to say it, don’t worry.” She says, “She wrote a really lovely essay about you, by the way.”

“Oh?”

Tara clears her throat. “ _Jimmy’s my favourite_ , and I quote,  _because he feels so real. He tries his best to smile even when he’s not comfortable. He’s more complex than Rowan, or maybe I just understand him better, and I relate to him, the way he tries his best even when he feels awkward and smiles even when he’s not okay_.”

Jimmy squirms. “She really likes me.”

“Most people do Jimmy, you have to remember that.” Tara says, with only the slightest amount of sarcasm in her voice.

Jimmy flops back against the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I hate being social.”

“So do I.” Tara says.

“But it’s your job to be social. I’m in this job because I like to drive fast cars.” Jimmy traces a crack along the ceiling slowly with his eyes to calm himself.

“You still have to go to the meet and greet.” Tara says. “No excuses.”

“I have an anxiety disorder.” Jimmy reminds her. Tara gives him a look. “Come on, that counts for something!”

“I don’t care-eee!” Tara says in a sing-song voice, and Jimmy knows she doesn’t mean it. Tara is the one who calms Jimmy down from panic attacks, and makes sure he takes his meds, and calls his grandfather when Jimmy needs it.

“You suck.” Jimmy says, but sits upright anyway. “I want a new PA.”

“Take Bliss.” Tara says, a little wearily. “She’s doing my fucking, excuse the language, head in.”

“What’s up with her and Rowan?” Jimmy asks. “Rowan isn’t telling me anything.”

“They’re on the verge of breaking up.” Tara emphasises with her hands. “But neither of them wants to bite the bullet and do it.”

“Will Bliss quit if they do?” Jimmy asks.

Tara shrugs. “Honestly, I have no idea. It’ll be awkward if she stays though.”

Jimmy pulls a face. “Ouch.”

“I know.” Tara says, and then prods Jimmy hard. “But for now, you need to be up and dressed, not worrying about Rowan and Bliss. Plus, you need to get showered, you stink.”

“Fuck you.” Jimmy says, brushing away any thoughts of Fereshteh Rahimi.

“Fuck you too.” Tara says, and pushes herself off the bed, using Jimmy’s leg as leverage.

“Ow!” Jimmy complains, and Tara gives him a look.

“Get dressed.” She repeats, and leaves the room.

**Meet and Greet.**

The meet and greet is being held in the ARK publicity area. When Jimmy and Tara arrive, the room is empty, bar Rowan and Bliss who are standing on opposite ends of the room, ignoring one another.

“Awkward.” Tara whispers, just quiet enough for Jimmy to hear. “Alright guys?”

“The fans are running late.” Rowan says, sounding irritable. “Honestly, they couldn’t even get here on time?”

“It’s probably busy traffic.” Jimmy says, noticing a bowl of crisps that have been set out. He starts to move towards them when Tara slaps his arm.

“Jimothy!”

“What?!” Jimmy exclaims.

“You’re on a strict diet. No crisps.” Tara folds her arms. “Captain’s orders.”

“Come on,” Jimmy wheedles, “One crisp. Please?”

“No.”

“One crisp isn’t going to change my weight distribution!” Jimmy complains. “Tara, come on!”

“I’ll get yelled at.” Tara says.

“And you can yell right back at them.” Jimmy pouts, fluttering his eye lashes. “One crisp?”

Tara sighs, looking over at Bliss for back up. Bliss is looking determinedly at a mural on the wall of Jimmy’s championship win, and Tara fidgets for a moment before turning back to Jimmy.

“One crisp.” She says, and Jimmy grins.

“I love you.”

“Shut up.” Tara says, as Jimmy makes a bee line towards the bowl. “Remember what I just said!”

Jimmy dramatically takes one crisp from the bowl, waves it towards Tara, and places it in his mouth. He’s just about to eat it when there’s a scream from the door that makes everyone jump.

“Oh my god!”

There’s a girl in the doorway, taller than Jimmy, with her hair hidden by a hijab. She’s wearing Jimmy’s ARK merchandise, and is staring directly at Jimmy with a look of awe on her face.

Jimmy chokes on his crisp.

A few moments later, after Jimmy has been successfully whacked on the back a few times by Rowan, the room has settled down. The girl who screamed, Fereshteh, is practically bouncing up and down beside Jimmy, a ridiculous grin on her face that is almost infectious. She’s joined by her friend Juliet, and her other friend Mac, who also stare at Jimmy and Rowan with fish eyed expressions.

“So,” Tara announces, when Jimmy has stopped gasping for air. “This is the winner of the competition, Fereshteh.”

“Angel.” Fereshteh says. Tara blinks. “Sorry, I go by Angel? It’s easier.”

“Okay then.” Tara clears her throat, “This is the winner, Angel. Angel, meet Jimmy and Rowan. I’m Tara, Jimmy’s PA, and Bliss over there is Rowan’s PA.”

“I know.” Angel says, turning to Tara. “You’re brilliant! And you too Bliss!”

Tara goes quiet for a second with a look of shock on her face, before she smiles. “Thank you. Nobody’s ever said that before.”

“You are though.” Juliet adds. “You’re like, really cool. You guys do so much work, and you never get any credit.”

“Right on.” Bliss says, raising a fist in solidarity. “I like you three.”

Mac, who hasn’t spoken yet, nods awkwardly. “Yeah, you and…. Her are cool.”

Angel pulls a face behind Mac and Juliet’s back that Jimmy notices. For a second, the excitement and joy drains from Angel’s face, leaving someone who just looks tired and annoyed. Jimmy looks back at Mac and Juliet, how close they’re standing together, and the way Mac isn’t wearing any ARK merch, or in fact, any F1 merch at all.

Jimmy catches Angel’s eye and gives her a smile, a real one, something that the fans never normally see. Angel smiles back, her eyes bright, and for a second, they’re just a boy and girl in solidarity.

The meet and greet involves a photo opportunity, which they get over quickly before everyone starts to melt from the heat. The photographer isn’t from ARK, and was hired in, and he’s bright and breezy as he orders them to stand together.

Jimmy stands with Angel on one side, and Juliet on the other. Rowan is on Juliet’s opposite side, with Mac beside him, looking vaguely confused. Jimmy can feel the energy buzzing from Angel, and the same quiet energy coming from Juliet.

“Say ARK!” The photographer says, finger poised over the shutter button his camera.

“ARK!” Angel and Juliet exclaim, and Jimmy can’t help but grin at their enthusiasm.

“Lovely!” The photographer inspects the screen. “That’s a really good [photo](https://puddle-of-ink.tumblr.com/post/178354657960/fanart-based-on-this-fanfiction-for-the). Jimmy, you look very nice.”

“He always looks nice.” Juliet says.

“You’ve never seen me in the morning.” Jimmy jokes. “It’s a sight to behold.”

“I can confirm that.” Rowan says, and for a moment Jimmy thinks that Rowan is going to slip into his fun ‘meeting fans’ persona, but then his good mood disappears, and he goes back to glaring at Bliss.

“So,” Jimmy says to diffuse the awkwardness. “Where did you guys come from?”

“Manchester.” Angel says, “Juliet and I are staying together for the grand prix.”

“I live in London normally,” Juliet adds, “But we came up for this.”

“Wow.” Jimmy says, and then looks at Mac. “You?”

“Oh, I’m from around.” Mac waves his hand in the air. “I’m also staying with Juliet.”

“We met online.” Angel says. “Juliet and I are friends because of you!”

 “I’m glad that I helped you guys meet.”

Juliet and Angel giggle, and Jimmy smiles, glad that he’s being normal and nice. No panic attacks yet.

“Do you think Rowan will be annoyed if I go over to talk to him?” Juliet asks, looking over at Rowan. He’s sitting on the sofa, fiddling with his shoelace.

“No.” Jimmy says, praying that it’s the truth. “And anyway, it’s a meet and greet. He’s meant to be talking to you.”

“Cool.” Juliet says, looking back at Angel. “Do you want to?”

“I’m okay.” Angel says, her voice slightly strained. “I’m good here.”

“Nice.” Juliet says, and wanders off towards Rowan. Mac follows her, sloping behind.

“So,” Jimmy says.

“So,” Angel repeats. There’s a moment, and then they both smile awkwardly at each other.

“Not to be weird but I love the name Angel.” Jimmy says, because he can’t think of anything else to say. “I’m really religious so- Not like crazy religious, I don’t go door to door, but I’m Catholic.”

“I’m really religious too.” Angel says, “I think most Formula 1 drivers are. Isn’t Sebastian Vettel incredibly superstitious?”

“He always gets into the car from the same side.” Jimmy says. “And he keeps a medal of Saint Christopher under his laces.”

“It must be doing something right.” Angel says. “To win that many championships. What about you?”

Jimmy reaches under his shirt and pulls out his cross necklace. “I always wear this.” He says, a little shyly. “And I have a postcard of Joan of Arc in the cockpit.”

“That’s so cool.” Angel says, admiring the cross necklace.

“It’s probably a little silly.” Jimmy admits. “I’m just religious and proud of my faith, you know?”

“I get you.” Angel says, and then points at her hijab. “I mean, I wear this. Couldn’t really judge you, you know?”

Jimmy smiles. “I really like the colour.” He says. “Very pink.”

“Got to keep up with that aesthetic.” Angel strikes a pose, which makes Jimmy laugh again.

“We should have done stupid poses in that photo.” He says.

“Yeah!” Angel agrees. “Squad goals pose. Although, I guess I’m not really part of your squad.”

“If you’re a fan of the ARK then you’re a part of the squad.” Jimmy says, and Angel pulls another funny pose.

“Nice.” She says, and finger guns at Jimmy. “Sorry, am I being weird?”

“No.” Jimmy says. “I like it.”

“Good.” Angel bounces back up into an upright position. “Sometimes I’m a bit too much. I’m just really excited, that’s all.”

“That’s okay.” Jimmy says, watching her. “I’m glad you’re excited.”

Angel is different to the other fans that Jimmy’s met. Not that Jimmy has met many other fans, Rowan and Lister have always warned him away from them. Fans are loud and obnoxious and don’t care about you. They only want selfies, or autographs, or they want to tell you how bad you are at driving.

Angel is bobbing up and down as she stands, looking at Jimmy with a cheesy grin on her face. Her phone is nowhere in sight, and she isn’t holding any laminated photographs of Jimmy that she wants him to sign. She’s just here. To meet him.

“So,” Jimmy says, “How did you get into Formula 1?”

“You want to know about me?” Angel asks, sounding a little surprised.

“Yeah.” Jimmy says, nodding his head. “Yeah, I do.”

Angel blinks in surprise, as if she’s not used to people asking her about her Formula 1 hobby. Then she relaxes, shoving her hands into her pockets.

“Well then,” She starts, and Jimmy listens.

_< Jimmy Kaga Ricci **(@jimmykagaricci** ) direct message box on twitter>_

_Angel **@jimmysangels** : hey, it’s me angel!! Thanks for the follow : )_

_Jimmy **@jimmykagaricci** : no problem. Hopefully we can keep in touch??_

_Angel **@jimmysangels** : oh my god yes that would be amazing!!!_

_Jimmy **@jimmykagaricci** : what tickets do you have btw?_

_Angel **@jimmysangels** : Bronze grandstand for the weekend!! Why?? :3_

_Jimmy **@jimmykagaricci** : I’ll look out for u :)_

_Angel **@jimmysangels** : !!!!!!!!!_

**Saturday.**

**Pre-Qualifying.**

Jimmy is desperate for a wee. It’s an hour till qualifying, but he’s completely zipped up into his race suit and strapped into the car. He drums his fingers against the steering wheel, squirming slightly in the seat.

“How’s the weight distribution?” Jimmy’s mechanic asks, typing information into her tablet.

“Uh.” Jimmy says, “Good?”

The mechanic raises her eyebrows. “Not a good enough answer Kaga-Ricci.”

Jimmy tries to remember what it felt like in free practise yesterday. He honestly can’t remember, all he can think about is Angel, and how fun it was to hang out with her. He doesn’t fancy her, he is most definitely gay, but Angel intrigues him.

“Balanced.” He says finally, going back to the real world. “Although, heavier in the front than the back.”

“Hmm.” The mechanic types some more on her tablet. “Okay, we can get that sorted.”

“Great.” Jimmy says, and then realises he’s honestly going to wet myself. “Sorry, I really need a wee-“

“Oh, sure!” The mechanic leans over, unclipping Jimmy from the seat. “Go, be free.”

“Cheers.” Jimmy says, clambering out of the car, and placing his helmet on the seat. “Be right back!”

Jimmy’s already unzipping his overalls as he marches towards the toilets, weaving his way around mechanics who are frowning over the testing results. He spots Cecily in the distance, and tries to escape her gaze, but she latches onto him with steely eyes.

“Jimmy.” She says, not even having to shout for her voice to carry across the room.

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy starts, but Cecily beckons him over.

“Here. Now.”

Jimmy swallows hard, wondering what he’s done, and then weaves his way over to her. He can feel Rowan watching him from where he’s sitting in the cockpit of his ARC car, and it makes goose bumps rise on the back of his neck. 

“I see you followed Miss Rahmimi on twitter.” Cecily says when Jimmy is beside her.

“Yeah?” Jimmy says. “Why?”

“May I remind you that your twitter is not private, neither is it a personal account.” Cecily says, and Jimmy blinks. “You have to be professional at all times.”

“I will be professional.” Jimmy promises. Cecily is looking at him with an expression that Jimmy can’t figure out. “What?”

“Do you like Miss Rahimi?” Cecily asks.

"Yes.” Jimmy says without thinking, and then backtracks. “As a friend. No relationship here. No hetero.”

The corners of Cecily’s lips quirk upwards for just a second before her face returns to its usual neutral state. “Miss Rahimi’s twitter account is very much a fan account. She uses it for Formula 1 memes and comments negatively about some other drivers.”

Jimmy blinks, not realising Cecily knew what the word ‘meme’ was. “What’s your point?”

“My point, is that you will in no way retweet or like any of her posts, do you understand?” Cecily says, her voice making Jimmy squirm. “Your twitter must be impartial, and you cannot use it to make jokes at the expense of other teams.”

“I understand.”

“Talk to her privately and discreetly.” Cecily says. “Or there will be stronger words Jimmy.”

“I understand.” Jimmy repeats.

“Good.” Cecily says, then waves her hand. “Go do whatever you were doing.”

“Thanks.” Jimmy says, but watches Cecily until she leaves. He didn’t realise that they’d be onto him so quickly, checking his followers and his likes.

“Jimmy!” Someone calls, and he turns around. “Car, please?”

“Let me wee!” Jimmy yells back, loud enough that the press probably here. “Two seconds!”

And with that, he rushes off to the men’s bathrooms.

**Qualifying.**

Jimmy crashes out without even gaining a position. The ARK loses control on the Hangar straight, hitting the barrier. It’s a shock, obviously, Jimmy’s heart dropping into his stomach as his front wing makes contact with the wall.

“Jimmy, you okay?” His race engineer says into his ear, the voice sounding loud and uncomfortably close.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jimmy says morosely, trying to turn on the car. It doesn’t respond. “Just hit the barrier. Car out of action.”

“Understood, understood. DNF reported.”

“What position is Rowan?” Jimmy asks.

“Looking like it’s going to be pole. Greene 2nd, and then Hope 3rd.

“Thanks.” Jimmy says. “Over and out.”

“Noted.” His engineer says, and clicks off the feed.

“Ughhh.” Jimmy says, already unclipping himself from the car. He can see the marshals up ahead waving a yellow flag, and hits his forehead against the steering wheel.

A blur of orange catches his eye, and Jimmy focuses to see a group of marshals jogging towards him. Jimmy raises his hand to signal that he’s okay, and then clambers out of the car. The damage isn’t too bad, just a new front wing, it’ll be fixed in time for tomorrow. Hopefully.

“Alright mate?” The marshal calls, and Jimmy nods.

“Yeah. Just bad luck.” He says, stepping out of the way so that the car can be dealt with. “At least I get to go home early!”

“Excellent!” The marshal hits him on the back and then busies himself with shouting at the other men in a language Jimmy doesn’t understand.

Jimmy hovers for a second, wondering if they need his help in any way, and then accepts defeat. He clambers his way over the fence to get off the track, and into a safe zone so no cars decide to take out the World Champion as a precaution.

He walks slowly along the path, wishing he had an iPod or an iPhone to block out the sounds of the cars and the crowd. He wants to get inside his own head, no matter how dangerous that place is, and just block everything out.

He hopes the fans aren’t disappointed with him.

“Hey!”

Jimmy looks up from where he was staring at his feet, and finds himself staring at a female marshal. She’s tall, with skin just slightly darker than Jimmy’s own, and thick brown curly hair. She’s also wearing glasses that could be mistaken for milk bottle tops, the lenses are so thick.

“Hello?” Jimmy asks, confused.

“Sorry,” The marshal waves a hand, as if wiping the air of their conversation, “I’ll start again. I’m Elle, I’m taking you back to the pits so you’re not walking alone?”

“Oh cool!” Jimmy straightens up, smiling. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have started walking by myself.”

“No, it’s cool, I was really slow getting here!” Elle drops into step beside him, and they begin to walk back to the pits.

Jimmy feels like he should say something, make a joke about the accident, but he doesn’t have it in him. Instead he stares straight ahead, plodding along, listening to the way the cars scream past him.

Elle breaks the silence a few minutes later, “So! Any plans when you get back to the pits?”

“Uh,” Jimmy says, “Probably get checked over by the doctor, then get ready for the race?”

He thinks of Angel, and her smile, and the way she understands him. Maybe he’ll message her tonight, ask if they can hang out. As long as the press didn’t get hold of it, making assumptions about their relationship, it would be okay…

“Cool.” Elle says, twisting her hands together in a way that Jimmy is oh-so used to.

“You okay-“ Jimmy starts, but Elle interrupts.

“You’re trans, right?” She says, and Jimmy winces, expecting the follow up. The awkward questions. The looks towards the crotch. The butch lesbian theory.

“Yeah.” He says.

“I’m trans too.” Elle blurts out. “Girl. I mean, I’m a girl. Yes. Hello.”

Jimmy brightens considerably. “Oh. Nice!”

It’s a lame response, but Elle laughs, her face red. “Sorry, I just wanted to.” She pauses again. “You just mean so much, you know? A trans sports person? In public? A World Champion even! It’s just, so amazing.”

“Thanks.” Jimmy says, smiling. “I’m glad you think so.”

Elle giggles again, nervous, and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re a cool dude Jimmy Kaga-Ricci.”

“You’re a sweet chick Elle No Last Name.” Jimmy says deadpan, and then they’re both laughing as they walk into the pits, not giving a damn that people are staring.

**Saturday Night.**

_< Jimmy Kaga Ricci ( **@jimmykagaricci** ) direct message box on twitter>_

_Angel **@jimmysangels** : hey, how are you??_

_Jimmy **@jimmykagaricci** : Tired_

_Angel **@jimmysangels** : we saw your crash : ( are you okay??_

_Jimmy **@jimmykagaricci** : Yeah, it was nothing major. Don’t worry : )_

_Angel **@jimmysangels** : Want to take your mind off it?_

 

This is how Jimmy finds himself in an uber, with Angel beside him, going to a gay bar. He’s not entirely sure how Angel convinced him to do this, as Jimmy isn’t allowed to drink, go out late on race weekends, or let anyone know that he’s gay.

He’s here though. He’s here, dressed in shorts and a tank top, with Angel next to him, chattering away. Jimmy catches his reflection in the taxi window, and doesn’t recognise himself. His eyes are brighter than he can ever remember seeing them, and his curly hair is sticking up all over the place. He just hopes nobody else recognises him either.

“I promise it will be really lowkey.” Angel is saying, her hijab different from the one she was wearing this morning. This one is black and glittery, like looking into the night sky. “Nothing major. I just thought you might want to have fun, that’s all!”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Jimmy says, and then, “Did Juliet and Mac not want to come?”

Angel shifts in her seat. “I didn’t ask them.” She says finally.

Jimmy blinks. “I thought you guys were friends?”

“I’m friends with Juliet.” Angel says, “I only met Mac yesterday. I hadn’t even heard of him before, Juliet literally just invited him up to the race with us, and he fancies her, and it’s just, straight nonsense.”

Jimmy thinks of Rowan and Bliss. “I get you there.”

“I don’t even think he likes Formula 1.” Angel admits. “I think he’s just here because he wants to impress Juliet, even though he knows nothing about the sport. He didn’t even know that you were World Champion for God’s sake! Even my  _mother_  knows that.”

“He’s a fake sports boy.” Jimmy says, and Angel laughs.

“Exactly. He’s just pretending for attention from a girl.” She rolls her eyes. “Gah. Why did he have to come with us?”

“I’m sorry.” Jimmy says, and he means it. “Maybe tonight will be a night for both of us to relax and pretend everything’s okay?”

Angel turns to look at him, her eyes dark and serious. She takes hold of Jimmy’s hand, running her thumb over the back of his palm.

“Everything is going to be okay.” She tells him gently. “You’re going to be fine.”

Jimmy blinks at her slowly. “Angel,” He says, “I’m depressed.”

“That’s okay.” She says, “I’m here for you. I’m going to help you.”

Jimmy finds that he believes her.

 

The club is loud, and dark, but friendly. Jimmy pays the £2 entry fee for both of them, Angel apologising profusely in his ear for having no cash on hand, and they walk into the club together. Jimmy is glad for the darkness as it means nobody can see his face too clearly, and work out who he is.

“I’m going to get a drink!” Angel says, motioning with her hands. “Do you want anything?”

“Uh.” Jimmy says. “Let me go to the loo, and then I’ll get one.”

“Cool!” Angel gives Jimmy a thumbs up, and Jimmy slips out of the crowd and into the toilets.

They’re gender neutral, so Jimmy doesn’t have to worry that he won’t pass to get into the men’s, and he quickly locks himself into one of the cubicles. In here, the music isn’t as loud, and Jimmy can rest his head against the cool of the tiles.

“What am I doing?” He says out loud. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, wanting to text someone, just to share in the ridiculously of it all.

Rowan will tell him off. Tara will kill him. Cecily will hang him from the roof of the ARK motorhome. Grandad will be asleep.

_Jimmy: Guess where I am?_

_Lister: In bed?? ARE U WANKING AND THINKING OF ME?_

_Jimmy: No gross!!!_

_Jimmy: I’m in a club_

_Lister: Oh my god._

_Lister: r u serious???_

_Jimmy: Yes_

_Jimmy: A gay one_

_Lister: Oh my god_

_Lister: Ur all grown up_

_Lister: I’m so proud_

_Jimmy: Don’t tell anyone please._

_Lister: I promise I wont_

_Lister: Have fun babes :P xox_

_Jimmy: Thanks x_

Jimmy stares at his phone for a little while longer, as if it will give him all the answers. He thinks of the things Grandad used to say before he went on nights out, about having fun, and not worrying if he kissed anyone or not. Tonight will just be about having fun. Nothing more.

Jimmy takes a deep breath and opens the toilet door, only to narrowly avoid hitting someone in the face. They both give a shout of surprise at the same time, and Jimmy feels his face heat up in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry!” Jimmy says, as the boy takes a step back, brushing a curl out of his face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay!” The boy says, with a smile, “I know it was an accident.”

“I don’t normally hit people with toilet doors.” Jimmy says, “Or hit people in toilets at all really.”

“Do you hit on people with toilets?” The boy asks with a grin, and Jimmy gives a nervous laugh. “Don’t worry, I’m not flirting with you.” The boy says quickly, sensing Jimmy’s discomfort. “I’m waiting for my boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Jimmy relaxes at once. “This is my first gay bar.”

“Aw, a baby!” The boy says, “I guess I’m more gay than you.”

“You probably are.” Jimmy agrees. “I’m not even meant to be here.”

“Oh yeah?” The boy asks, and Jimmy walks over to the sinks to wash his hands.

“Yeah.” He says, “I’ve snuck out.”

The boy blinks. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-two.” Jimmy says, “Sorry, I probably sounded like I was 15 or something.”

“You can never be too sure.” The boy says, just as a toilet flushes and another man steps out.

“Chatting up random men in the loos Charlie?” The man asks, joining Jimmy at the sink.

“Oh, shut up.” The boy, Charlie, laughs. “This is my boyfriend, Nick.”

“Hi.” Jimmy nods at them. “Nick, Charlie.”

“Holy shit.” Nick says, looking at Jimmy for the first time. “It’s you!”

“It’s me.” Jimmy agrees apprehensively.

Charlie raises his eyebrow, looking from Nick to Jimmy, to Nick again. “And who are you?” He asks.

“He’s Jimmy Kaga-Ricci.” Nick says, “He’s the Formula 1 World  _Champion_.”

“Ohh.” Charlie nods like he’s suddenly understanding. He turns to Jimmy, waving his hand. “We’ve driven down for the race. Nick is a big fan.”

“A huge fan.” Nick agrees, staring at Jimmy. “God, you are just… Congratulations!”

“Thank you.” Jimmy says, already planning how to leave.

“Jeez Nick, you’re scaring him.” Charlie presses a hand to Jimmy’s arm softly. “It’s his first time at a gay bar. You want to hang out with us tonight? Or, are you planning to hook up with someone…”

“Nope, definitely not.” Jimmy says firmly, “I just wanted to, you know. Be around gay people. I’m here with my friend Angel.”

“Well we’re very gay.” Charlie says, “Or, Nick’s bisexual. I’m gay.”

“Repping that bi pride.” Nick says, and then suddenly looks pained like he’s said something completely stupid.

Jimmy grins, despite himself, and then nods. “I’d like to hang out with you.”

They find Angel on the edge of the dance floor, bobbing her head along with the music. Jimmy touches her lightly on the arm, and she spins around to face him, grinning.

“Isn’t this amazing?” She shouts over the sounds of ABBA’s Dancing Queen.

“Yeah!” Jimmy agrees, and then motions to Nick and Charlie beside him. “I made friends!”

Angel gives them the thumbs up. “Hi!”

Jimmy introduces everyone quickly, having to yell to be heard over the music. Nick and Charlie sway along to the beat as they talk to Angel, Nick’s arm wrapped firmly around Charlie’s waist. Jimmy finds himself wishing that he had somebody to touch him like that, and then shakes his head. He’s here to have fun, not to mope.

“How long have you been together?” Angel asks, taking a sip of her J20.

“Five years.” Charlie says, holding up his palm to show the number. “We’re an old married couple.”

Angel laughs. “That’s so cute! How did you meet?”

“We went to school together.” Nick nudges Charlie. “We were best friends, and then we realised we were in love with each other.”

“Shut up.” Charlie says, laughing, but his cheeks are flushed, please.

“That’s adorable.” Jimmy agrees. “You guys are so lucky.”

“I know.” Nick and Charlie say at the same time, and then laugh sheepishly at one another.

A Fall Out Boy starts blaring out over the speakers, and Angel gives a shriek of excitement.

“We have to dance!” She says, downing her J20 in one, and slamming the bottle onto the table. “Jimmy, come on!”

“I don’t really dance.” Jimmy starts, but Angel shakes her head, gesturing for him to follow her.

“I’ve seen you on Lister’s snapchat story when you’re drunk.” She says, “Dance with me! Please?”

Jimmy hesitates for just a second, and then nods. “Okay then. One dance!”

Angel throws her head back, grinning, and then drags him onto the dance floor. “I’m going to give you the time of your life Jimmy Kaga-Ricci.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” Jimmy replies, and finds himself smiling so hard his cheeks hurt.

**Sunday.**

**Track Parade.**

Jimmy’s half falling asleep during the track parade, leaning against the barrier of the truck that is slowly driving them around Silverstone. He feels like the pressure is building in his ears and something, soon, is going to explode.

A camera man walks past him, trailing Raine the journalist, who flutters her fingers at him. Jimmy waves back, blinking when the camera man swings his equipment rapidly towards his head to capture a shot of him waving.

“Jesus.” Jimmy says, and the camera man turns back around to follow after Raine who has rushed ahead to talk to more people.

Jimmy looks out at the fans, at the sea of red, white and blue, of the fans grinning and waving. He thinks about his first F1 race, at standing on the seats with his grandfather holding onto his leg to steady him. At the joy at that moment.

Someone gently touches his lower back, and Jimmy moves over to accommodate Rowan. He’s wearing huge dark sunglasses, and Jimmy reaches out and gently flicks the side of them.

“Pulling a Lister?” He asks.

“Huh?” Rowan says, and Jimmy makes a vague hand movement.

“Hungover. Hiding behind your sunglasses.”

“Oh.” Rowan says, and then laughs. “No. I just wanted to look cool.”

“That Kimi Raikkonen style?” Jimmy grins, and Rowan nudges him.

“You know it.”

Jimmy looks around to try and find Lister and spots him chatting to Raine. They’re laughing and joking about something, Lister gesturing wildly with his hands. Lister looks good for once, no dark circles or pasty skin. He’s grinning with bleached white teeth, flirting with Raine in a casual way, and Raine is messing about with him.

“We should get Lister for a drink afterwards.” Jimmy says.

“You want to go drinking with Lister?”

“Okay, an orange juice with Lister.” Jimmy corrects. “An apple and blackberry J2O with Lister.”

Rowan shakes his head. “I wouldn’t want to risk it.”

“He’s our friend.” Jimmy says. 

Rowan doesn’t reply.

“Rowan.” Jimmy says, “Lister is our  _friend_.”

Rowan still doesn’t say anything. Instead he looks out towards the grand stand, where people are shouting and waving, dressed in all different kinds of team merch and fan colours.

Jimmy waves towards the crowd, flashing a peace sign. The truck goes over a bump and Jimmy almost loses his balance, falling over the side of the truck. He grabs hold of the barrier, knuckles turning almost white, and manages to right himself.

“Are you okay?” Rowan asks, stepping closer.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” Jimmy says, “Sorry, I was waving and lost my balance. Power of the fans.”

“Fans are mental.” Rowan says, staring out at the crowd. “Look at them.”

Jimmy is struck by a sudden beat of anger. “No, they’re not.”

Rowan looks over at him, clearly surprised behind his sunglasses. “What?”

“They’re not mental.” Jimmy says, and it’s not just the casual use of the word mental, it’s the fact that Rowan hates the people who love him. Rowan hates people like Angel, and Nick, and Charlie, people who love them.

“They’re wearing masks of our faces.” Rowan says, pointing at a group of people in ARK merch, from head to toe. They wave back at Rowan excitedly, glad to be noticed by their driver.

“And?” Jimmy says. “You’d have worn a Lewis Hamilton mask when you were younger if you could.”

“That’s not the same.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m part of this world now.” Rowan says, “I was a fan because I wanted to be a driver. They just want to watch us drive around in circles for two hours.”

“Maybe some of them want to be drivers just like us.” Jimmy says. “There are young girls out there-“

Rowan snorts. Jimmy glares.

“What?!”

“Girls don’t want to be drivers.” Rowan says. “They’re here because they want to fuck a driver.”

“Shut up.” Jimmy says, angry.

“Jimmy-“

“No!” Jimmy snaps, turning towards him and doesn’t lower his voice. “I like men, did I join F1 so that I could fuck a driver?”

“That’s different.” Rowan says, with a slight hiss to his words.

“Oh, is it?” Jimmy asks, “Or are you just a dick?”

“Don’t get angry with me!“ Rowan holds up his hands, but Jimmy interrupts.

“You’ve changed.” He says, pushing himself off the truck barrier. “And I don’t like it.”

“Because I don’t want to hang out with an alcoholic and suck up to teenage girls-“ Rowan starts, and Jimmy turns away from him, fuming.

Rowan reaches out to grab hold of Jimmy’s arm, but Jimmy effortlessly evades him, slipping past and walking to the front of the truck. There are a few other drivers gathered there, chatting amicably to each other.

Jimmy works his way between Michael and Tao, settling himself against the barrier and looking out into the distance. Then he turns, angling himself towards the crowds, and waves his arm wildly, smiling out at the people who have come to watch him.

“Playing up to the fans?” Tao asks, prodding Jimmy in the back. “Think that will help you win?”

“Obviously.” Jimmy waves to a group of girls who are near the front of the stands. They wave back to him, giggling to each other, and Jimmy can’t help but grin, waving back harder.

“You fancy them or something?” Tao asks, and Jimmy looks over his shoulder at him.

“I’m just happy.” He says. “I’m happy they’ve come.”

Tao raises his eyebrow at him. “Alright then.”

“Aren’t you happy? That all these people, these thousands of people have come to see you?”

Tao thinks for a moment, and then nods. “I am happy.”

“Think how much money they’ve spent to be here.” Jimmy says, “The tickets, and the hotel, and the flights. Then they’re going to buy our merch, and food, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll get a wave or a moment of eye contact.”

Tao doesn’t say anything. Then he clears his throat, taking off his cap. “Do you have a pen?”

“Uh.” Jimmy says, reaching into his shorts pocket and pulling out a sharpie. “Here.”

“Cheers.” Tao scrawls their signature on his cap, and then hands the pen back.

Jimmy takes off his own ARK cap and writes his signature on the cap, and then pauses, before writing something else. He caps the pen, shoving it back into his pocket and stares down at the cap.

“I bet I can throw my cap further than you.” Tao says, testing the weight of it in his hand.

“Oh yeah?” Jimmy asks, tossing the cap up and down. “Wanna bet?”

“You’re fucking on Kaga-Ricci.” Tao says, lobbing his cap out over the track barrier and into the crowd.

“I can do better!” Jimmy yells, throwing his cap as hard as he can. It catches the wind, soaring through the air and landing directly into a group of kids who are trying to clutch at it.

Jimmy hopes he makes them happy.

_< An Instagram post from @ **lizabethlucy**. It shows a photograph of three boys and two girls, from the ages of 8-10. They are huddled together, smiling, and holding a The ARK cap that is signed by Jimmy Kaga-Ricci. The post has 3000 likes >_

_The caption reads: Woo, the best day!! The kids managed to catch the signed cap of their fave driver Jimmy that he threw into the crowd. #ARK #JimmyKagaRicci #F1._

_Top comments:_

_**@listerbird** _ _: Congratz dudes!!_

 _**@pantsforpirelli** _ _: So lucky omg_

 _**@loch.o** _ _: he is such a handsome young man!_

 _**@jimmykagaricci** _ _: Glad you guys had fun x_

**Lights Out.**

Jimmy is in the car, and he is at the back of the grid, and all he can hear is the blood in his ears. It’s the British Grand Prix, it’s 30 degrees outside, and Jimmy is going to win. He’s either going to win, or he’s going to die, and he knows that those are the only two choices that he has.

The lights are red.

Rowan isn’t talking to him. Lister is an alcoholic. Bliss is going to quit Formula 1. Evelyn’s interview is going to slaughter him. Slowly, Jimmy’s life is slipping into shambles. Soon, there will be nothing left, apart from the shadow of a boy in a race suit.

The lights are still red.

If Jimmy loses this race, he could kill himself. The thought is simple and sweet, comforting even. Jimmy could quietly excuse himself from the paddock, go up to his hotel room, and slit his wrists. He has his grandad’s knife in the bedside drawer, enough pills to do some damage, and a tie that he could use as a knot. Nobody would interrupt him. It would be so easy.

The lights are red like blood.

Jimmy isn’t doing okay. Jimmy needs to see a therapist. Jimmy needs to tell someone that he wants to slice his wrists open in the bath tub and let everything just pour out. Jimmy should probably be sectioned for being a danger to himself. Jimmy wants to sleep for a very long time.

The lights are searing into Jimmy’s skull.

It’s almost summer though. Almost time for Jimmy to forget that he’s a Formula 1 driver, time for Jimmy to pretend that he’s normal, and that he has his whole future ahead of him. Almost time for Jimmy to go home to Kent, and do nothing but play scrabble and watch reruns of Pointless and eat home cooked Italian food.

The lights are burning.

Jimmy wonders what his grandad is doing. He hopes he’s watching, radio and television on so he doesn’t miss a moment, or mishear something. Sitting on the old armchair that Jimmy keeps promising to replace, peering at the screen, at the black smudge of Jimmy’s car. Mumbling about how proud he is of his Jimjam.

The lights are staring back at him.

Maybe Jimmy’s parents and sister are watching. Maybe his parents are at home, with the race on in the background. They’re trying not to pay too much attention, but it’s hard to look away, at the static image of their son. Maybe his sister is at the pub with her friends, and she’s trying not to look at the screen playing the race, but that’s her little brother out there, and she worries about him.

The lights flicker very slightly.

Maybe the presence of an angel will help him today. An Angel sitting in the grand stands, who ordered the uber home last night, who cuddled up to Jimmy in the taxi and let him ramble about his life and his grandfather and his dreams. An Angel who wanted nothing in return but love.

The lights are red and focused eyes.

Jimmy Kaga-Ricci is the first openly trans Formula 1 driver. He’s gay, and he’s proud, and he’s a little fucked up in the head. He’s the 2017 World Champion, and he’s damn proud of it. He’s also going to win the British Grand Prix if it kills him.

Lights out, and away we go.

_< Transcript of Sky Sports Formula 1 Commentary.>_

_Sengupta: It’s the battle for first, the battle of Britain! We have Kaga-Ricci, Omondi, and Bird all trying to reach that crucial first place position._

_Jun: Omondi is trying his hardest, but god I’ve never seen Kaga-Ricci push so hard before! The man is on fire!_

_Sengupta: Honestly, I have no idea what’s come over him. The minute the lights went out he was a demon on track, I’ve never seen a driver go from bottom of the grid to leader of the pack in almost 5 laps._

_Jun: He is a sight to behold Raine, he really is. Italy, India, and Britain should be very proud of him, no matter the final result._

_Janvier: Final corner now, final corner, who’s going to push, who’s going to-_

_< Screaming over commentary>_

_Sengupta: He’s done it! Jimmy Kaga-Ricci has just crossed the finish line! Jimmy Kaga-Ricci has won the British Grand Prix, only seconds ahead of his team mate Omondi, and rival, Bird!_

_Janvier: I can’t believe it! I actually can’t believe it! What a race! Woah!_

_< End of transcript.>_

**Weigh In.**

Jimmy is being picked up by Lister and swung about the cool down room. It takes a second for Jimmy to realise what’s happening, and then everything comes flooding back, the stress and the win. He holds onto Lister’s back, laughing as Lister swings him around, screaming nonsense into his ear.

“That was incredible!” Lister beams, placing Jimmy back on the floor. “How the fuck did you manage a drive like that?”

“I’m World Champion!” Jimmy replies, grinning. “I’m a good driver!”

“Fair enough!” Lister ruffles Jimmy’s hair, his smile plastered to his face. “God Jimmy.”

Jimmy fluffs his fingers through his hair, but it’s drenched in sweat. He looks and feels like a drowned rat, but he finds that he doesn’t care. He just won the British Grand Prix.

“We should get to the podium.” He starts, turning to face Lister, but finds Rowan there instead.

“Hey.” Rowan says.

“Hi.” Jimmy replies.

There’s a moment of silence, punctuated by Lister yelling in the background. Jimmy wants to step away from Rowan, but he can’t, they have to talk.

“I’m sorry.” Rowan says. “During the race, all I could think about was how angry you were.”

Jimmy scuffs the ground with his shoe. “These fans are our livelihood Rowan. You can’t treat them the way you do.”

“I know. I understand that.” Rowan gives a sigh, “Bliss and I broke up this morning.”

“Fuck dude, I’m so sorry.” Jimmy says.

“She’s going to another team.” Rowan shrugs. “So, it won’t be weird. I’ll still see her around and such, but-“

“It’s okay.” Jimmy says quietly. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“I’m sorry for being a dick.” Rowan says, and holds out his hand. “Friends again?”

“We’ll always be friends you numpty.” Jimmy says, and uses Rowan’s hand to pull him into a hug. There’s a small cheer from the crowd surrounding them, and Jimmy smiles into Rowan’s shoulder.

“Here!” Lister yells from behind. Jimmy and Rowan break away to find Lister clutching a huge England flag.

“I didn’t realise you were a UKIP supporter.” Jimmy says.

“Oh, fuck off.” Lister says, “It’s for you!”

“For me?” Jimmy starts, but Lister steps forward, draping it around Jimmy’s shoulders and tying it under his neck.

“There.” He says. “Perfect.”

“I’m not English.” Jimmy says. “Not technically.”

“But you’re part of the family.” Lister says, and flicks Jimmy on the nose. “Come on. Let’s go up there together!”

“I can’t wait.” Jimmy says, and smiles at his friends.

**Podium Celebrations.**

To get back to the motorhome, Jimmy has to work his way through crowds of drivers, mechanics, and personal. He keeps getting slapped on the back, people cheering in his ear, and having to stop to take selfies. It’s making him giddy, in both a right and a wrong way.

He wants to lay down for a while, and eat a sandwich.

Suddenly the crowd seems to part, like Moses and the red sea. Jimmy frowns, raising his hand over his eyes to try and figure out what’s happening, if people are actually moving or Jimmy is just imagining it.

Then Jimmy spots her. Angel is slightly turned away from him, staring off into the distance, but her hijab is made of an old ARK shirt, and Jimmy would recognise her height anywhere. He stops dead on the spot, staring at her, until someone bumps into the back of him.

“Okay?” Kimi Raikkonen asks.

“Okay.” Jimmy says. “Very okay.”

Then he starts running, the England flag he’s got wrapped around his shoulders flapping like a cape in the end. People turn to watch him go, and Jimmy almost feels like he could take off flying, the cape turned to wings.

Angel turns at the very last second, and her face is sad. Jimmy starts to slow down, worried she’s angry in some way, or upset with him, and then she breaks into a smile. Angel opens up her arms, and Jimmy crashes into them, the two of them laughing.

“Amazing!” She says, pulling him into a hug. Jimmy hugs her back tightly, breathing her in. “I’m so proud!”

“Thank you!” Jimmy says triumphantly. “You’re my good luck charm!”

Angel laughs at that, releasing him from the hug. Her paddock pass is around her neck, swinging as she steps away from him.

“You look incredible.” She says. “If slightly racist with that flag.”

“That’s what I said!” Jimmy says.

Angel reaches out and strokes the material. “You looked so happy on the podium.”

“I was happy.” Jimmy says, and then corrects himself. “I am happy.”

“I’m glad.” Angel says, and there’s that shimmer to her voice again.

“Where are Juliet and Mac?” Jimmy asks.

Angel’s face falls. “They ditched me.”

“What?” Jimmy says, realising that everyone has started to turn and stare at them, listening in on their conversation. “Why?”

“It’s a long story.” Angel says.

“I’ve got time.” Jimmy says, and Angel looks at him curiously.

“You really want to know?” She asks, and Jimmy takes her gently by the arm, steering her towards the motorhome.

“Of course.” He says, and Angel starts to explain exactly how, and why, Mac Anderson is an idiot.

_< An Instagram post from **@jimmysangels**. It shows a selfie of Angel Rahimi and Jimmy Kaga-Ricci that was taken in the ARK motorhome. The two of them are sitting on a sofa together, pressed up against each other. Jimmy’s cheek is pressed against Angel’s cheek. They are grinning._

_The caption reads: So, my new best friend won a race or something?? IDK apparently he’s famous :P_

_Top comments:_

_**@ricciriot** _ _: how the fuck is this girl best friends with jimmy??_

 _**@tinyteej** _ _: BICC!!!! IM SCREAMING_

 _**@superowan** _ _: holy fucking shit ANGEL!! U LEDGE!!!_

 _**@jimmykagaricci** _ _: idk who this guy is either?? Seems like a nerd._

**Evening.**

Angel falls asleep in the cab back to the hotel, head on Jimmy’s shoulder. Jimmy finds he doesn’t mind it, quietly flicking through photographs on his phone as the streetlights casts yellow light against their faces.

People enjoyed today, he finds out. People are proud of his win, and his fan initiate, and how happy he seems to be. There are hundreds of comments on his posts of Angel and himself, and when he checks Angel’s account, he finds that people have written lovely things on the photographs she posted. There are horrible things too, spiteful comments from unpopular and popular accounts, that Jimmy quietly reports and blocks.

Jimmy’s phone dings with a message through from Tara. Jimmy hopes it’s nothing to do with Angel, and clicks on it.

_Tara: Oh my god, I have NEWS._

_Jimmy: Bad?_

_Tara: Excellent news!!!_

_Jimmy: Please tell me?_

_Tara: Bliss is Lister’s new PA!!_

_Jimmy: That’s good?? But what about Darcy?_

_Tara: SHE’S GOING TO BE ROWAN’S PA_

_Jimmy: !!! You’re going to be able to work together!_

_Tara: I know!! I’m so happy!!_

_Jimmy: I’m happy for you!!_

_Tara: :D_

_Jimmy: :D_

Angel stirs, making a little snuffling noise, and then opens her eyes. She blinks sleepily, looking around the cab, and then realises she’s leaning against Jimmy. She bolts upright, rubbing her eyelids.

“I’m so sorry!” She says. “I didn’t mean to!”

“It’s okay.” Jimmy holds up his hands. “You’re tired.”

“You should be the one falling asleep on me.” Angel says, and then notices Jimmy’s phone. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Jimmy says, “Want some exclusive gossip?”

“Always.” Angel replies.

“Bliss and Darcy are swapping over duties.” Jimmy says. “So, Darcy will work with Rowan, and Bliss with work with Lister.”

Angel’s mouth falls open. “But why change it in the middle of a season?!”

“Because of Bliss and Rowan.” Jimmy says, like it’s obvious.

Angel frowns. “What?”

“You know.” Jimmy says, and then realises Angel doesn’t know. “Oh shit. It’s kind of private.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Angel says quickly. “Keep it private if it’s private.”

“But you’re my friend.” Jimmy points out. “Friends tell each other stuff.”

Angel blinks. “We’re friends?” She says.

“Well yeah.” Jimmy says, feeling a little foolish. “You just fell asleep on me. We snuck out together. We posted a selfie with each other. I would have hoped that we were friends?”

“This is the best weekend of my entire life.” Angel says slowly, placing a hand over her heart. “I can die happy now.”

“Please don’t die on me.” Jimmy jokes, and then Angel falls serious.

“You’re not allowed to die on me either, okay?”

There’s an unspoken topic in the cab, and it hangs heavily in the air. Jimmy places a hand over his own heart, feeling it beat under his shirt.

“I promise.” He says.

Angel reaches out and places her hand over Jimmy’s own. Her skin is warm and soft. “I’m glad.” She says quietly.

They stay like that for a while before Jimmy pulls away. He settles back against the seats of the taxi, and takes three deep breathes, in and out, in and out.

“When we get back to my room.” He says, “We should invite everyone over.”

“For like a party?” Angel says curiously.

“No.” Jimmy shakes his head. “Just a gathering. So, we can watch a film, and eat pizza, and talk like normal people.”

“I’d like that.” Angel says.

“I think you and Tara would get along. And you and Bliss would be a menace together.” Jimmy says, a little sleepily. “Just something lowkey.”

“Mac and Lister would be a force to be reckoned with.” Angel says.

Jimmy laughs. “Yeah, they would.”

Angel reaches out and takes hold of Jimmy’s hand. “I love you Jimmy Kaga-Ricci.”

“I love you too jimmysangels.” Jimmy says, teasing.

Angel snorts. “Shut up.”

“You shut up.” Jimmy says, but he’s smiling too much to sound serious.

They hold hands all the way back, their fingers entangled together. Both of them, happy.

**Epilogue.**

“Sleepover time!” Lister announces, bursting into Jimmy’s hotel room.

Jimmy jumps half a foot up in the air from where he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, scrolling through his Instagram feed. There are already hundreds of photos tagged with #AbuDhabi, and Jimmy had been enjoying seeing all the happy fan faces.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jimmy says, collecting himself. “Heard of knocking before Lister?”

“Nope!” Lister says cheerily, throwing himself into the room. “I have snacks! And sparkling rose water!”

“We’re meant to be on diets.” Jimmy reminds him, and then has a double take. “And how did you get into my room in the first place?!”

“He stole the spare key.” Rowan says from the doorway. He’s dressed in silk pyjamas, that could also double as a Harry Styles inspired suit if he was desperate. “Sorry.”

“Ugh.” Jimmy says, but he doesn’t mean it. “Come on in then. Make yourselves at home.”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Lister bounces onto the bed, “What have you been doing in here by your lonesome?”

“Intense and angry masturbation.” Jimmy replies, just as Rowan drops down beside him on the bed. “Ooof!”

“Gross.” Rowan says, kicking off his slippers. “How’s Angel?”

“She’s good!” Jimmy motions with his phone. “We just finished face timing.”

“Whilst you were masturbating?” Lister asks, and Rowan hits him with a pillow. “Ow! Bliss says you’re not allowed to hit me!”

“Bliss isn’t here!” Rowan says and whacks him again.

Jimmy laughs, picking up a packet of Haribo’s from the bed and opening them. “She says hello to all of you.”

“Tell her hello back.” Rowan says, and then pushes his glasses up his nose. “Can you believe you’re going to be double world champion tomorrow?”

Jimmy blushes, popping a egg Haribo into his mouth. “It’s not for certain. I might crash out and not win any points.”

Rowan gives him a look. “Jimmy, positive thinking.”

“Fine.” Jimmy says. “But it’s still not definite that I’ll win!”

“We should rig it.” Lister says, draped over the bed with his head hanging off. “Me and Rowan, we’ll take each other out in the first lap. Then you’ll be free to win.”

“We’re not going to do that.” Rowan says, dropping sweets into Lister’s open mouth like he’s feeding a fish.

“But we could.” Lister says, and then almost chokes on a cola bottle.

“Idiots.” Jimmy says, but he’s smiling. “I can’t believe it’s the final race of the season already.”

“I know, right?” Rowan says. “It feels like yesterday I was threatening to feed Lister to the snakes in Australia.”

“What a wonderful time that was.” Lister says sweetly.

“I think next year I might come out.” Jimmy says.

Lister and Rowan look at him with wide eyed expressions.

“You serious?” Lister says, sitting upright.

“Yeah.” Jimmy nods. “People are already speculating about me and Angel, I just want to set the record straight.”

“You’re very brave.” Rowan says seriously.

Jimmy gives a little shrug. “I’ve already come out as trans.” He says. “What else could I do to shock people?”

“You’re my favourite biracial trans gay man.” Lister says, and Jimmy pokes him. “What! You are!”

“Because there’s so many to choose from.” Jimmy says with a smile. “No, but I’m serious. I want to tell everyone I’m gay, because I want my fans to be proud of me.”

“They’re already proud of you.” Rowan says, squeezing Jimmy’s thigh. “You’re amazing.”

Jimmy thinks of Angel, and Juliet, and all the others who message him on Instagram and Twitter, asking for help about coming out to their parents as trans, or as gay.

“I want to do more.” Jimmy says firmly. “I have to do more.”

He’s going to show everyone how god damn brilliant he can be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment if you enjoyed! I love this weird fucking fic.


End file.
